Wedding

by Mark Wutka

"Do you, gentleman, take sophisticated neighbor to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and fix coffee for from this day forward, for regular or for decaf, with creamer or black, for richness and aroma, until death do you part?"

The gentleman smiled the smile of love and lifelong commitment as his lips gently pushed out the words "I brew."

The minister looked up, surveying the room, and asked "Who gives this woman to be married?"

A voice from the back of the room yelled "Her madre and I!"

Everyone in the chuch turned to behold Juan Valdez in a snappy black tux, complete with tails, with a brightly covered blanket slung over one shoulder and a freshly-cleaned straw hat on his head. He was flanked on one side by the smiling Mrs. Olsen, who was wearing a long evening gown in a deep Folger's-can red. She clung lovingly to Juan's right arm. His left arm held the reins to his trusty mule. The mule was appropriately dressed for the occasion, sporting a bow-tie, a bowler hat, and, of course, tails.

The minister continued, "then by the power vested in me by the coffee growers association, the ad council, and whatever network would be stupid enough to show a commercial like this, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride."

As the gentleman lifted his beloved's veil and parted his lips to kiss her, she whispered to him "Hey! You've got coffee-breath!"

The gentleman smiled and replied "So do you. I hope it lasts until the honeymoon!"