The Usenet Oracle requires an answer to this question!

> Great Oracle who outshines any Snap-on-Tool, who writes all the good jokes
> for Married with Children and Home Improvement, tell me:
>
>       My husband's 34th birthday is in June.  He doesn't like to
>       spend money unless it's for a project involving the
>       backyard, the garage or one of the vehicles - (not mine),
>       what should I buy him?
>
> Your eternally grateful supplicant.
>
>


#: 517970 S0/Outbox File
    28-May-95  8:50:00
Sb: Answer #Qa19570, the Oracle requires an 
Fm: MAIL 
To: "The Usenet Oracle" > INTERNET:oracle@cs.indiana.edu

       Oh perplexed supplicant, who enjoys the humor in television, you must
remember that not every husband can be "Superman."  It is better to be
"Married with Children" than to be "Living Single."  No matter "Who's the
Boss" it is important to maintain "Grace Under Fire" and remain "Friends."
These "Family Matters" are often difficult when living in a "Full House."
Your "Thirtysomething" husband's behavior may always remain an "Unsolved
Mystery" but I feel that he remains "Mad About You."
       As I tell "All My Children," "As the World Turns" whether it be yours
or "Another World," these are "The Days of Our Lives" and it is important to
listen to the "Guiding Light" of the Oracle.  We only have "One Life to
Live" and you must maintain a "Loving" attitude or become one of "The Young
& the Restless" women of the world.  Do not place your marriage in
"Jeapordy" because of this "Family Feud."  The Oracle predicts the "The Wheel
of Fortune" will turn your way and "Let's Make A Deal" that if the "The
Price is Right" you will find the present you seek.
       I sense that your husband has been "Bewitched" by the gods of grease
and grime on your "Little House on the Prarie."  Though it may seem a
"Mission Impossible" to complete you must remain the "Wonder Woman" that you
are and have a "Hart to Hart" talk with your husband.  Remember the "Happy
Days" of your life and let the "CHiPs" fall where they may.  A "Bonanza"
awaits you "Honeymooners" as you give husband the present of patience and
understanding for his birthday.  Hopefully your relationship will "Blossom"
forth "In Living Color."
       If not you could always get him some GOJO so he will have clean
hands.
 
You owe the oracle 6 episodes of "I Dream of Jeannie."