STUPID BUT TRUE - VOLUME #1 A collection of amazingly stupid and yet absolutely true stories. V.S. Pritchet, a reporter, is surely on of the worst in his field. In the 1920s, he took a job with the CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR, but, as he said, did not have a nose for news. "I simply didn't know what news was. I missed every important occasion. Even now I don't know what news is." When an irish cabinet minister resigned, he wrote nothing of it, because he 'couldn't see how it mattered.' In 1922, he went to cover a war in Morocco. It was suggested that he go see the rebel leader Abdul Krin in the hills, but he was terrified of being shot and stayed at home. "All I heard was a lot of gunfire in the evenings, but it was a lovely country." ----------- In 1897, the General Assembly of Indiana passed a bill stating that the mathematical symbol pi, (now known to be 3.142), was 4. During the short time this was in use, it caused extreme havoc. A pendulum clock would gain about 15 minutes per hour in this system. ----------- The ARGO MERCHANT is the absolute worst ship in history. These are some of the amazing feats it managed to accomplish in its 23 year history. It has collided with a Japanese ship, caught fire 3 times, and stopped for repairs five times. It has suffered a mutiny, circled Borneo continously, been towed to New York, and been grounded off Sicily. It was banned from the ports of Boston and Phildelphia and from the Panama Canal. It's boilers have broken down 6 times, and she has had to travel with two red lights, indicating to other ships that the crew has absolutely no control over her movements. After being lost for 15 hours, it sank off Cape Cod and caused the US's largest oil slick. When it happened, the crew had been navigating off the stars for 18 hours after the navigation machinery broke down. ----------- In 1978, several firemen came to the house of an elderly lady to rescue her cat from a tree. They succeeded and the woman invited many of them in for tea. After the impromptu get- together, the firemen left, running over the cat and killing it. ----------- Mr. Nicholas Scotti of San Francisco intended to visit his relatives in Italy. The plane took off and later made a fuel stop in New York. Mr. Scotti, believing that he had arrived, got off and spent two days in New York, thinking he was in Rome. The first thing he noticed was that his relatives were not at the airport to pick him up. He belived they had been caught in the heavy Roman traffic they mentioned in their letters. After cruising the city, he remarked that modernization had destoryed all of the landmarks and that everything was in english, spoken with a heavy American accent. He believed that this was for the multitudes of American travellers who apparently come to Rome. Mr. Scotti, who did not speak english very well, went on to ask a policeman the way to the bus station in italian. The policeman, who came from Naples, replied fluently in the same tongue. He was eventually handed over to the police for assisstance once the bus driver realized his mistake. Mr. Scotti was shocked that the Roman police did not have many Italian officers. When he was finally told he was in New York, he refused to believe it. "I know this is Italy," he replied, "This is the way they drive." ------------ The following are all true graffiti from around the world: Above a urinal, "Your family's future is in your hands." On a wall, "I'm so horny the crack of dawn had better watch it!" On the inside of a stall door, "Patrons are requested to remain seated during the performance." Above a urinal, "Don't read this! Watch what you're doing!" On a wall, "I love Margaret Holmes" to which was replied. "Good lord Watson, so do I!" On a wall, "AVE MARIA" to which was replied, "Don't mind if i do." ------------- In 1972, Derek Langborne lit a fire in his fireplace. He then went outside to fill his log bucket. When he returned, he noticed a flaming log had just rolled out of the fireplace. He carefully picked it up (it wasn't all flaming) and took it outside. He unwittingly brushed it against a curtain on the way out. He deposited the log on his driveway and returned to find his curtains and door on fire. While calling the Fire Station, he noticed that the log in the driveway had set fire to his car. He completed the call, and ran out to douse the car with a bucket of water. On the way, he tripped over a gas container and set himself on fire. Mr. Langborne survived with minor injuries and his house was saved. -------------- In 1972, a woman in Calfornia got into a car for her drivers test. The first thing she did was mistake the accelerator for the clutch and plowed the car through the wall of the driving school, subsequently failing her test in the first half-second. She later on asked if she had passed. -------------- In 1896, a Greek Orthodox Bishop who had been lying in state sat bolt upright in front of several mourners. "What are you staring at?" he asked them. -------------- In 1933, a parisian burglar attempted to rob a house while dressed in 15th century armor. He thought it would scare the inhabitant, but it only managed to severely up his chances of being caught. He was, and his armor was damaged in the ensuing scuffle. The damage was of a kind that he could not get out of the armor for 24 hours, and had to go to court in it. -------------- For three months in 1971, several robbers planned a post-office robbery down to the letter. When they finally attempted to pull it off, they leaped out of their car, only to realize the office had been closed for 12 years. -------------- In 1631, a publisher printed a copy of the Bible with a slight misprint, such that the 7th Commandment read "Thou shalt commit adultery." The King was forced to recall the 1,000 printed copies and fine the printers 3,000 pounds. -------------- A library book taken out in 1823 was finally returned in 1968, having amassed a fine of $2,464. -------------- The following are some actual goofs from films which are still available to see on reel or VCR: In CARMEN JONES, the camera points at a store window, and the whole film crew is reflected. In VIKING QUEEN, set in the Roman age, a wrist watch is visible on one of the leading characters. In HIGH ROAD TO CHINA, a Sopwith Camel at several thousand feet is seen barely above some tree tops in the background. In THE WRONG BOX, the roofs of Victorian England are decorated with TV aerials. In DECAMERON NIGHTS, A pirate stands on a 14th century ship, while a white dump truck rolls down a hill in the background. -------------- Lt. Hiroo Onoda of the Japanese army fought WW2 until March 1974. He remained on duty, guarding a remote isle in the Philippines for 33 years. He had no opposition, but assumed the Axis was winning the war. When, in 1945, 'COME HOME' letters were dropped on the island, he thought it was a Yankee trick to make him surrender. Even after he was found in March, it still took them 6 months to convince him the war was over. -------------- The tiny agean nation of Andorra declared war on Germany in 1914 along with many other nations. However, the Versailles Peace Treaty failed to include the nation, and it remained at war with Germany throughout the 1920's and 30's. The country's army composed of 10 people, however, and it's military budget was 4 dollars per year for ceremonial blanks. The soldiers, however, wore pins reading "TOUCH ME IF YOU DARE", the country's national motto. In 1939, Andorra found itself involved in two world wars at once. A peace treaty was finally signed with Germany on September 25, 1939, during the invasion of Poland at the start of WW2. This document brought peace to the Andorrans for the first time in 44 years and officially ended the first world war. -------------- Another WW2 story involves the Russo-German conflict. The Russians tried to devolop top secret "Dog Mines". They would train dogs to associate the bottoms of tanks with food. They would then tie mines to the dogs backs and let them loose when the Germans advanced. Unfortunately, the dogs only associated food with the underside of Russian tanks, and the plan was abandonned after it's first trial. -------------- In February 1970, a swiss pornograher was taken to court for not being pornographic enough. His "sexually erotic books" contained mainly pictures of plants and furniture. He was sued by many irate customers and given ten months probation by the judge. --------------- In a recent rape trial, the victim was asked to repeat what the attacker had said to her just before the attack. The language was coarse and the implications where crude, so she wrote the statement down due to her embarassment. The paper was passed to the jury to examine as evidence. One of the jurors had fallen asleep. The juror beside him, a beautiful young blonde woman, nudged him awake, and handed him the paper. He looked at it, smiled and winked at her, and put the paper in his pocket. When the judge asked for the paper back, he said it was a "personal matter". -------------- During his divorce trial in 1978, a London window cleaner was asked what he and the "other woman" were doing with the lights out. He replied, "playing snooker". The judge replied that it was, in his opinion, difficult to play snooker in the dark, and then asked the man about the noises that came from the room as the night went on. The man explained, "they were an expression of surprise or disappointment made when playing a difficult shot." He was also asked why the woman was also seen naked from the waist down. He replied, "she was doing some sewing and repairing her slacks." The judge did not believe the defendant. ---------------- In 1976, a man intending to hijack a plane leaped from his seat and drew a gun on the stewardess. "Take me to Detroit!" he yelled, to which she replied, "We're already going to Detroit." The man paused, then replied, "Oh....good." He sat down and was never apprehended by police. ----------------