A T T E N T I O N
                                B U R G L A R S !

        Please take a moment to read this before continuing your work.

        We have made a few changes since you were here the last time.  

        First we replaced some of the stuff you took last time, so you 
        can get a new TV, VCR and Ninetendo game this time.   Sorry you 
        had to settle for older stuff before.

        Jewelry!  You got all the valuable stuff last time.  My wife 
        decided to carry with her whatever she has from now on, so if 
        you want jewelry, you will have to find out where we are and 
        break into my car.  It will probably be in there.

        She says to tell you that the pillow case you took to carry 
        stuff in last time was part of a matched set of pillow cases and 
        sheets.  This time please get one that doesn't match or take the 
        whole set so the insurance company can just replace everything.  
        If she remembers she will have an unmatched one laid out for you 
        to find.  That way you won't have to mess up her bed.  

        I can't figure out why you took all my underwear last time, but 
        if you need more, please leave me one set so I can wear clean 
        underwear to town to buy replacements.  Thanks.

        Cash - There ain't much.  Since we're gone, we're probably 
        shopping and took most of it with us.  You might find some in 
        the piggy bank in my son's room.

        I never did collect old guns or knives, so you're out of luck 
        there.  A neighbor a few miles down the road has a pretty good 
        collection though.  You might try his house.  I did have some 
        old coins but if you want to get more from me you'll have to 
        give the ones I have now some more time to age.

        If you came in through the window again, it is OK to just unlock 
        the door and leave that way.  It makes it a lot easier to get 
        stuff out. By the way, thanks for not messing up or breaking 
        anything you don't have to.  And please close the door when you 
        leave.  That'll keep out the cold if its winter and the insects 
        if it's summer. 

        If you get company, it's probably just the neighbors.  I asked 
        them to help me keep an eye on the house and stop by to visit if 
        they saw any strangers around.  They might be able to answer any 
        questions you have about the neighborhood.

        After your last visit I let some fast talking salesman talk me 
        into buying one of those burglar alarm systems.  It's probably a 
        rip-off.  He showed me how to install it.  It's supposed to be 
        sound activated.  If you have made any noise at all, like 
        breaking a window, talking, etc.,  It should have already placed 
        a phone call to the sheriff's office and let them know that I'm 
        being robbed.  Don't let it worry you though.  I doubt if the 
        damned thing will work.  Even if it does I don't know if the 
        sheriff will pay any attention.  Even if he does, he probably 
        won't be in a hurry to get here and it will take him at least 
        ten minutes to get here anyway.  Oh, be sure to allow yourself 
        enough time to get out of the driveway (it's pretty long.) and 
        out to the main road before he gets here.  Otherwise he may get 
        your license number.

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    Duane Bristow               http://webcom.com/~duane1/welcome.html
    Albany, Kentucky  42602     Duane and Eva Bristow's Home page on the Web 
    (606) 387-5884 - voice      forestry, computer programming, family, 
    72711.1414@compuserve.com   community, humor, history, writing, farming,
                                philosophy, and creative processes.