..of Duane & Eva's Old Kentucky Home Page
I really love these very calm Haiku-ish fatal-error messages.
=======
IMAGINE IF INSTEAD OF CRYPTIC, GEEKY TEXT STRINGS, YOUR
COMPUTER PRODUCED ERROR MESSAGES IN HAIKU...
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
- - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
_____________________
!WARNING! COLDBEER.CAN found. Programmer probably loaded again. "Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers "he's just a girly-man programmer".... **====< Real Programmers Practice Safe HEX <====** *REAL* programmers use COPY CON to create Windows apps. .ASM programmers drive stick shifts. A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. A programmer and his mind are soon parted A programmer's work is never done THANKS TO THE LEECHES! A programmer's work is never done. <Sigh!< A real programmer's girlfriend wears a G$. ADA PROGRAMMERS do it in packages AI programmers only think they do it ALGOL PROGRAMMERS block it out APL PROGRAMMERS are functional APL PROGRAMMERS do it backwards APL PROGRAMMERS do it in a line APL PROGRAMMERS do it with stile APL programmers do it in the workspace. APL programmers do it with stile. ASSEMBLER PROGRAMMERS do it one-to-one AWP: Argue With Programmer All programmers are optimists. All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. All programmers want arrays! Assembly programmers do it a byte at a time. Assembly programmers only get a little bit to play with. BASIC PROGRAMMERS GOTO it BASIC PROGRAMMERS do it all over the place BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB without RETURN BELL LABS PROGRAMMERS do it with UNIX BIT: n. unit by which programmers go insane BPIM: Bury Programmer In Manuals BUFFER: A nude Programmer. Back off man! I'm a programmer... Become a programmer - crash your computer for a living! Become a programmer and never see the world!! Before, I cudnt spel programmer; now, I are one. Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers C PROGRAMMERS SWITCH and then BREAK it C PROGRAMMERS SWITCH often C PROGRAMMERS continue it C PROGRAMMERS do it with their nose in a manual. C Programmers do it with models! C Programmers do it with the LARGE model! C program run, C program crash, C programmer cry. C program run. C program crash. C programmer get drunk. C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. C program run. C program crash. C programmer throw up. C programmers do it in a structured manner, sometimes. C programmers don't have the BASIC instincts. C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with class C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with private members and public objects C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with their friends, in private C++ Programmers are proud of their Private Parts. C++ programmers earns money by inheritence. C:\PROGRAM, C:\PROGRAM\RUN, C:\PROGRAM\BOMB, C:\PROGRAMMER\BUY.UZI CLOSED CAPTIONED IN HEX FOR PROGRAMMERS A0 EF 97 9F B0 4C ... COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it very slow COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs COBOL programmers are self-documenting. COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods COBOL programmers wanted. (quick lighting pref.) COMPUTER PROGRAMMER WANTED -- Some Assembly Required COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS do it bit by bit COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS do it interactively COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS do it logically CP: Compliment Programmer CPM: Change Programmer's Mind CPN: Call Programmer Names Caffeine Allocation Error: ROOTBEER.SYS missing, Programmer halted. Caution! Programmer at work. Christmas & Halloween confuse programmers: DEC 25, OCT 31 Cobol programmers are down in the dumps. Code: (n.) a means of concealing bugs favored by programmers. Coffee not found -- Programmer Halted! Coffee sweetened with NO-DOZ...Programmers petrol! Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit. Computer programmers know how to use their hardware. Computer programmers never die, they compile. Conceptual programmer: One who writes code for the 80686. DEPROGRAMMERS do it with sects DKP: Disavow Knowledge of Programmer DPMI: Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent Dammit Jim - I'm a programmer, not a doctor! Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a Computer Programmer! Do Programmers eat ASCII crackers? Dumb programmers use FORTRAN PROGRAM.FOR EP: Execute Programmer EPI: Execute Programmer Immediate Error 256: Programmer Deleted. FORTH PROGRAMMERS do it from behind FORTRAN PROGRAMMERS do it with SOAP FORTRAN PROGRAMMERS just DO it FORTRAN programmers do it with double precision. Fatal Database Error #10070: Programmer late for work! Female programmers get their bits twiddled. First, we'll kill all the programmers GDP: Grin Defiantly at Programmer GNU PROGRAMMERS do it for free and they don't give a damn about look & feel Good Programmers type copy con Program.exe Hacker: Exceptional programmer. Webster's 9th., 1991 Have you hugged a programmer today? He is no dummy. He is my programmer! I blame the Programmer myself !! I'm a computer programmer for the Amish. I'm a programmer, I don't do COBOL. I'm not a programmer but I play one on TV... I'm not the fastest programmer, but I'm the most carefull IMBP: Insert Mistake and Blame Programmer IPM: Ignore Programmer's Mistakes If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer. Instant Programmer: Just add caffine JNL: Jump when programmer is Not Looking JSP: Jump on Sexy Programmer Just a 2 bit programmer on a 32 bit machine. KPR: Kill PRogrammer LAP: Laugh At Programmer LISP PROGRAMMERS do it by recursion LISP PROGRAMMERS do it without unexpected side effects LISP PROGRAMMERS have to stop and collect garbage LOGIC PROGRAMMERS do it with unification/resolution LPA: Lead Programmer Astray Let the programmers be many and the managers few. Tao of Programming. MAC PROGRAMMERS do it in windows MAC's Place BBS home of the C & C++ Programmer MACHINE LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS do it very fast MASOCHIST: Windows SDK programmer with a smile! MTP: MounT Programmer Macho Programmers Use Edlin. Make way!, Make way!, A PROGRAMMER HAS ARRIVED!! Managing programmers is like herding cats. Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile! Me hav'em heap trouble. - Tonto the programmer NecroARMicon - dead C++ programmers reference OPP: Order Pizza for Programmer Old programmers never die, they get updated! Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address. Old programmers never die. They just lose their byte. Old programmers never die; they exit to a higher shell. PASCAL PROGRAMMERS REPEAT it PASCAL PROGRAMMERS do it with indentations. PASCAL programmers are better structured. PASCAL programmers are blind - they do not "C"! PLUS PROGRAMMERS cycle forever, until you make them exit PNRP: Print Nasty Replies to Programmer PPP: Print Programmer's Picture PROFANITY: The language all programmers know. PROGRAMMERS cycle forever, until you make them exit PROGRAMMERS do it all night PROGRAMMERS do it bottom-up PROGRAMMERS do it by pushing and popping PROGRAMMERS do it in higher levels PROGRAMMERS do it in iteration. PROGRAMMERS do it in software PROGRAMMERS do it on command PROGRAMMERS do it top down PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs PROGRAMMERS do it with disks PROGRAMMERS do it with their fingers. PROGRAMMERS have: Bigger disks PROGRAMMERS peek before they poke PROGRAMMERS repeat it until done PROGRAMMERS will do it all night, but only if you are debugged PROLOG PROGRAMMERS are a cut above the rest Profanity is the language most programmers know best Programmer (n): One who makes the lies the salesman told come true. Programmer on Computer Programmer's Oxymoron: Spare-Time Programmer: One who is too lacking in people skills to be a software engineer. Programmers "C" it differently! Programmers Use Extended Memory! Programmers assemble! Programmers do it by pushing and popping. Programmers do it in Turbo! Programmers do it in loops. Programmers do it in many languages. Programmers do it in software Programmers do it right the first time! Programmers do it top down. Programmers do it with a Hard Drive! Programmers do it with algo-rithyms! Programmers do it with numbers! Programmers do it with objects Programmers don't Byte,they just Nybble a bit Programmers don't get sniffles, they get a CODE. Programmers don't repeat themselves, they LOOP Programmers get overlayed Programmers give more input/output! Programmers have a higher baud rate! Programmers have random access memory! Programmers love dual floppies! Programmers love their tools! Programmers stick to the BASICs! Programmers take bigger Bytes! Programmers will do it all night, but only if you are debugged. RAMsom, what you pay to sloppy programmers. REAL programmers have keyboard dents in their foreheads REAL programmers use undocumented DOS calls REAL programmers write 4K GUIs. REAL programmers write self-modifying code. REP: Randomly Execute Programmers RISC ASSEMBLY PROGRAMMERS do it 1073741824 times a second RPM: Read Programmer's Mind Real Programmers Collect Lint. Real Programmers Don't Write Games! Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's. Real Programmers call bugs "undocumented features" Real Programmers do it on the console panel. Real Programmers like vending-machine popcorn. Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue. Real Programmers use DEBUG C:\DOSFILES\PROGRAM.EXE Real Programmers use Patch Cords! Real Users hate Real Programmers. Real programmers aren't. Real programmers do all their DTP work in DEBUG. Real programmers don't change light bulbs. Real programmers don't have floppy disks. Real programmers don't use flowcharts.] Real programmers ignore schedules. Real programmers innovate, others LITIGATE ! Real programmers practice safe HEX Real programmers use "cat < a.out". Real programmers use MASM PROGRAM.ASM Real programmers use TCC PROGRAM.CPP...error...error...er\COMM Real programmers use punched cards. Real programmers wrote game theory. Runtime error: Next time don't pay the programmer up front S/He who uses bad language must be an R:BASE programmer! SLEEP? I'm a programmer! SMALLTALK PROGRAMMERS have more methods STOP!! Come any closer and the programmer gets it!! SYSTEMS PROGRAMMERS keep it up longer Silly programmer! Turbo's for kidz! Slow programmers Prog-crastinate.... Smalltalk programmers have more methods. Software Error: Programmer Held. Finish all activities Sub-titled in HEX for programmers Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult. -- R. S. Barton TPDH: Tell Programmer to Do it Himself Tagline error. Contact your systems programmer. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer. The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language. UNIX PROGRAMMERS must C her's USER: A programmer who will believe anything you tell him. Unable to locate Mt.Dew.Com - Programmer halted! User (n): technical term used by programmers - see idiot. VM PROGRAMMERS do it virtualy all the time Voodoo Programming: Things programmers do that they know WARNING! Programmer X-ing WARNING: Programmer at play WPM: Write Programmer's Mind Wire Puller: (n), A seasoned 1004 programmer XPR: eXecute PRogrammer XSP: eXecute Systems Programmer Young programmers are the best! [and the cockiest] realprogrammersdontusespacespunctuationorcaps why_do_c_programmers_type_like_this(char *FAR OUT);
Last revised May 8, 1998.
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